Becoming a Scotsman is not required to play the bagpipes. In fact many of the top pipers and most of the top bands aren't Scottish!

To pass the Scottish Naturalisation exam and gain your Scottish Passport, you'll be asked to perform a number of complex tasks in front of an Official panel:

• Travel to Edinburgh by train

(you must not pay for the train ticket)

• Understand people

(demonstrate ability to clearly understand people when you get off a plane in Glasgow)

• Pronounce words without hesitation:

• Arrochar
• Auchentoshan
• Milngavie
• Strathaven

• Show articulation skills with 'Taysiders'

(these people are called Taysiders (you'll never actually want to go there), despite the way they talk they are actually speaking english)

• Speak fluent Scottish

Involves an oral exam and becoming comfortable with continuous conversations . A 'Ned' will be provided to interact with (you are not required to wear Burberry for this test). Example phrases to kick off your test conversations are:

• Stoatinaffyhegrun
• Gerruptheweansgreetin
• Gonnaepirritinapoke
• Geezaboattlaskoosh
• Hawmawthrowmedoonapiece

(it's a common point of confusion that people think Scots Gaelic is the national language, gaelic is of course the native language of a bunch of invaders who came to Northern Scotland ('the Teuchters') and never left)

Although the path to becoming Scottish is difficult and time consuming it can be highly rewarding. Some examples of what you'll be able to do:

• women flock to you (e.g. Sean Connery)

• exposure to Scotland

(you'll be able to freely expose yourself to Scotland

• people smile constantly when talking to you

(this is a sign they don't know what you're saying)

If you want to know more contact us.


(Images kindly reproduced Copyright © 2011 Brian Furbush (photograph © 2011)
Cyril Galland (photograph © 2011)
Richard McHowat (photograph © 2011)
Ernie Romer (photograph © 2011)
Andrew Hounslea (photograph ©2009)
Ian Murray (photograph ©2009) )